When Eli was 9 months old, we found out we were unexpectedly expecting our third baby in three years. At the time, we were beginning our long and arduous journey to find out what was going on with our Jack, Eli had just started crawling, and we were finally settling into our parenting groove. We were excited, of course, but there was a bit of fear and anxiety. My anxiety doubled down when my OB told us we were having a little girl. I was anxious not because I didn’t want a little girl, I did. The feelings were because of what a nightmare I was until I turned about 16 (I’m being generous).
If the old adage was true, my payback was going to be one wild ride. In 8th grade, while at a slumber party with wine coolers and cigarettes, we decided to t.p. the principal’s house. He lived in the neighborhood. It was genius! Only we decided to take it a step further and filled a backpack with cans of spray paint. Once we got there, we decided to spray paint the road in front of his house with every foul word we knew. We laughed all the way home. Monday at school each of us was called into his office, one by one. Our parents were called in. 8 x 10 pictures were printed and presented which clearly showed my, and my friends, artistic talents. My dad stood behind me gritting his teeth. I was suspended for ten days. My dad drove to the principal’s house and paced back and forth over what we had done while I sat in the furthest back seat of our van. There was talk of pressing charges which never came about. I imagine the principal had a lot to do with it. I spoke with him years later and he recalled the incident. He and his family held Thanksgiving at their house that year and they all had a big laugh about it. What a good sport and what a great man.
Two years later, my parents had to pick me up from the police station for the dumbest crime ever committed. A friend said she would teach me how to drive. We drove to an empty parking lot where a concerned neighbor called the police for an erratic driver. The officer pulled in behind me and I promptly shifted the SUV into reverse and backed into him. I had no license and my friend’s dad’s brand new Isuzu Rodeo was on top of the hood of a police car. Naturally, I did the most rational thing I could think of and I locked the doors. Maybe I thought he would just leave? He did not. I was arrested. My friend was arrested. We sat in a holding cell and said our goodbyes to each other. Surely we would never be seeing each other again (We are still close to this day). My dad did a lot of teeth gritting and pacing while asking me what the hell I was thinking.I was kicked out of school with two months left in my senior year. I was absent too much.More teeth gritting. More pacing.
All these cringe-inducing memories came flooding in my mind along with the phrase,” I hope you have a daughter just like you one day.”I know my parents have forgiven me, my terrible teenage attitude, and my stupid choices. They are always my biggest fans even if they wanted to strangle me for a few years.My darling girl came into this world, ready or not. She just turned 4 the other day and she is every bit her mother’s daughter. She is stubborn, and loud, and knows exactly what she wants. She isn’t afraid to tell you no 700 times in a row if she needs to. She’s got a lot from her daddy too. The curiosity, intelligence, confidence, that’s all him. I know in a few short years she’s going to give me a run for my money.
There will be plenty of pacing and gritting of teeth but, God willing, my husband and I will be able to look back and laugh, just like my parents do now.
Incessant Buffoonery 